Greetings to the Oasis, to those far and near !
No, I aint referring to those politicians, banksters, and media whores about the title to this post. However, if the shoe fits….
I am referring to being a Grandpa, and an official card carrying member to the Liars Club. Seems old age does have it’s benefits though they be far and few between. Being able to tell lies, ok, maybe that is a bit too harsh a word, lets just say legally exaggerate a tale or two is now perfectly legal at my age. If for no other reason that recalling the past is more along the lines of sketchy detail than an exact rememberance.
For an example, take the other day when my 7 yr old granddaughter paid me a visit. I am still unpacking from my move to the North Side of Atlanta, and she discovered my scuba diving log book. She is all into sea creatures and Nemo, so I showed her some pictures of a reef with all the fish. Showed her my dive log which evoked a comment about my handwriting. I told her at least I knew how to write using both Large and small letters. She is still working on that writing skill. Little smarty pants found a misspelled word as well. I decided it was time to close the dive log and tell her a story about scuba diving instead. Thought “Hey, it works for those gubberment heads…diversion….change the subject….Look! Something shiny !”
So I told her about my friend Wanka and how he served his country in the Navy during the Civil War as an Admiral on a submarine. How he had toured all the great reefs around the world and probably seen a million gadzillion fish in his days. “Wow”! I said, “Yeah, that’s almost as many fish as I caught in my whole lifetime.” So I told her how Wanka had sent me an S.O.S message. I asked her if she knew what as an S.O.S ? ” You mean the scrubby thing mommy uses to wash pans?” Told her “No darling, S.O.S is navy speak for Save Our Ship”. Told her how Wanka and wrote that on a piece of paper and sealed it up real water tight in a bottle and floated to me. “You saved your friend, the Admiral’s ship Grandpa?” “Well as a matter of fact I did, ” was my reply.
Well, you all know the next question right? With the sincere expression of one her age she asked, “How”? Now I am quite proud of myself at his point because my mind don’t think as fast as it used to. Especially on cold mornings and there is more blood than coffee in my veins. But I was able to continue with the story without a second thought. Told her how the screen door had come loose on its hinges on his submarine and how I had dived down to about a thousand feet. “You know those power tools Grandpa has in his workshop, well I used one of them to tighten up those loose hinges “. Even was able to come up with a happy ending to the story. Told her that Wanka and his crew sailed on happily until their next misadventure. “What happened?” she asked. Told her how he ran into the mean ole Pirate named Floridagold in a mud hole in the Florida Keys, where they discovered the meanest ole ornery critters known to mankind called Gators. Well, I will have to tell her that story another day when her momma aint within earshot. Seems the Good Lord has got even with me for many of my sins. My granddaughter’s mother is a Gator Fan. Woe unto me !
Now for those who don’t think I have a moral to this story you are wrong. The moral of this is simply that based on my view of America as it exits today, I am pretty sure I could add a few more details and write a book using the story I just described. And I think the American public for the most part would actually believe it. I think the book would sell millions of gadzillions copies and I would receive both the Nobel Peace Prize, and be elected President, twice. I heard recently where college students actually read at the third grade level. That is only a year or two above the reading skills of my 7 yr granddaughter.
Anyways, besides telling a lie or two I have mostly been resting. I nearly proved that fellow that said, ” Hard work never killed anybody!” wrong a few months back and have been taking it easy. Been doing a lot of reading. Had acquired a stack of books that I finally got around to reading. Been working on some fixer up projects. Things I have been carrying around for years that all needed a little something done. A handle for an old lantern, an old dresser that needed a new drawer. An old table so worn the handpainted finish had all but worn off. And a pair of shoelaces for some old wooden shoes. I have not watched hardly any television except for a few football games. And that will end this Sunday I suppose. I don’t follow the news anymore. I think I pretty well know where this ole world is headed and it aint a pretty picture. And will tell you one more story about my granddaughter ( Just hang in there, its what Grandpas do )that pretty proved beyond a shadow of doubt where the future of my Country is headed.
Was helping her do her homework the other day. The teacher had sent home a list of words on the left hand side of the page and her homework consisted of finding a word that rhymed and writing on the right hand side. Things were going along just fine until she read the word “fate” outloud. I replied, “hate”. Her mother comes running out of the kitchen. ” Oh Grandpa, we don’t use ‘harsh’ words like that !” With my ignorance of modern times in full swing I replied, ” Why not….whats wrong with the word ‘hate’?” And trying to convey some sense of reason after being chastised in such form, “Its in the bible you know.” ” No Grandpa, and we don’t discuss the bible when it comes to school projects.”
You know, there comes a time when the heart meets the brain. I have known for years that this Country was in deep trouble with little hope. But it wasn’t until I got a dose of modern school ‘correctness’, that I felt in my heart of hearts, what my brain has been telling me for so long, America, lower the banner of Free Speech, and all things related to Freedom. Game Over.
Thanks to Mad Mike who faithfully stands duty at the morning coffee pot. The coffee and bagel enticed me out of hiding this morning. Well done.
Floridagold, I don’t follow the Hawks, or basketball in general. But who knows, the football season withdrawals may get so severe I might watch a little court action. If I cant find a good poker game to get into. (grin)
Macroman, Good to see you holding down your side of the pond my friend. Listen, I better give you a heads up on something I did the other day. Seems the local florist has some rather creative arrangements. In a moment of temporary weakness (insanity) I sent ‘You know who’ some flowers. The florist asked me if I would like to put something on the little card. Said it wouldn’t cost extra. Like the hanger, it was free. So I told the gal, yeah,….write this poem on that card please.
“Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Dairy Queen has double dipped cones,
Things are more fun in pairs of two. ”
She faithfully wrote the words of the poem and asked, ” And whose name should I write they are from? ” I told her, ” Macroman”
I doubt I get away with it, but just in case you get broomwhacked, its my fault.
And Buygold, it was not even you stirring the pot this time. Huh !?
maya, you having a sale on Goldtrain tickets? Seems those ETF’s have stolen all the wind out of the sails of my PM lifeboat.
Rest of you keep holding the fort. Will try to drop in more often. Will let you know of the next politically incorrect thing that I do. Shouldn’t be long before I get back with you. (grin) Got a question for the gang. Seems they have a ‘bring a Grandpa to lunch’ day at my granddaughter’s school. Do you think this would be a good idea?? Are 7 year olds allowed to start food fights if supervised by a Grandpa? I can hear the prayers from some of you now, ” Oh Lord, help that little girl, it aint her fault her Grandpa is Farmboy “
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