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(AoftheANews) NEW YORK – The guardian angel for Democrat Vice-Presidential candidate Tim Kaine told AoftheA News that he is quitting the Clinton campaign, and has announced his endorsement of Donald Trump.
“I’ve had it with him. Completely had it,” the angelic messenger said, relentlessly puffing on a Marlboro. “I haven’t slept in days. He’s driving me nuts. His comments on so-called same-sex marriage over the weekend were the final straw. He really thinks the Church will someday change its position. Sure, he was taught by Jesuits, but he oughtta know better.”
The bedraggled, unshaven divine host of heaven went on. “I probably should have done this when Hillary selected him, but I had hope, you know? Turns out I was just fooling myself.”
He explained that his endorsement of Trump was merely an attempt to get Kaine’s attention. “I’m hoping it’s a wake-up call,” he said, pouring himself a glass of Jack Daniels. “Shock him a bit. Once he hears I want to ‘make America great again’, he’ll come to his senses. Maybe. I’m so beyond frustrated.”
This is the second time in recent years that a guardian angel of a high-profile politician has taken drastic action. In 2013, Nancy Pelosi’s angel resigned after she had called abortion “sacred ground”.
“I don’t know how Biden’s angel does it,” the celestial being said, lighting up another cigarette. “I really don’t. This is making me crazy. What am I gonna do if the idiot gets elected?”
Tim Kaine was unavailable for comment, but a campaign spokesman told AoftheA News that Kaine thinks the Church will eventually drop its approval of the existence of guardian angels.