Loading ...THE 2016 DARWIN AWARDS
You’ve
been waiting for
them with baited
breath, so without
further ado, here
are the 2016
Darwin Awards:
Third
PlaceAfter
stepping around a
marked police patrol
car parked at the
front door, a man
walked into H&J
Leather &
Firearms intent on
robbing the store.
The shop was full of
customers and a
uniformed officer
was standing at the
counter. Upon seeing
the officer, the
would-be robber
announced a hold-up
and fired a few wild
shots from a target
pistol.The officer
and a clerk promptly
returned fire, and
several customers
also drew their guns
and fired. The
robber was
pronounced dead at
the scene by
Paramedics. Crime
scene investigators
located 47 expended
cartridge cases in
the shop. The
subsequent autopsy
revealed 23 gunshot
wounds. Ballistics
identified rounds
from 7 different
weapons. No one else
was hurt.HONORABLE
MENTIONPaul
Stiller, 47, and his
wife Bonnie were
bored just driving
around at 2 A.M. so
they lit a quarter
stick of dynamite to
toss out the window
to see what would
happen. Apparently
they failed to
notice that the
window was closed.RUNNER
UPKerry
Bingham had been
drinking with
several friends when
one of them said
they knew a person
who had
bungee-jumped from a
local bridge in the
middle of traffic.
The conversation
grew more excited,
and at least 10 men
trooped along the
walkway of the
bridge at 4:30 AM.
Upon arrival at the
midpoint of the
bridge, they
discovered that no
one had brought a
bungee rope.
Bingham, who had
continued drinking,
volunteered and
pointed out that a
coil of lineman’s
cable lay nearby.
They secured one end
around Bingham’s leg
and then tied the
other to the bridge.
His fall lasted 40
feet before the
cable tightened and
tore his foot off at
the ankle. He
miraculously
survived his fall
into the icy water
and was rescued by
two nearby
fishermen. Bingham’s
foot was never
located.AND THE
WINNER IS….Zookeeper
Friedrich Riesfeldt
(Paderborn, Germany)
fed his constipated
elephant 22 doses of
animal laxative and
more than a bushel
of berries, figs and
prunes before the
plugged-up pachyderm
finally got relief.
Investigators say
ill-fated Friedrich,
46, was attempting
to give the ailing
elephant an olive
oil enema when the
relieved beast
unloaded.The sheer
force of the
elephant’s
unexpected
defecation knocked
Mr Riesfeldt to the
ground where he
struck his head on a
rock as the elephant
continued to
evacuate 200 pounds
of dung on top of
him. It seems to be
just one of those
freak accidents that
proves… ‘Shit happens‘IT
ALWAYS SEEMS
IMPORTANT TO THANK
THESE PEOPLE FOR
REMOVING
THEMSELVES FROM
THE GENE POOL.