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Rep. Adam Schiff (D., Calif.) is chairman of the House Intelligence Committee, which means he gets to appear on cable news a lot, and is a recurring character in the fan-fiction fever dreams of the Anti-Drumpf Resistance.
Speaking of fan fiction, the New Yorker reports that Schiff has been moonlighting as a screenwriter for years:
“The first was a post-Holocaust story called ‘Remnant.’ ” As Schiff recalled, “I had an agent at William Morris tell me it was good but no one would want to see it—too depressing. Then ‘Schindler’s List’ came out, and I was, like, ‘Come on!’ ” His next, written when he was a prosecutor, was a murder mystery called “Minotaur.” “I had a friend who was a producer, and he said there were two answers in Hollywood—‘Yes,’ and ‘Here’s a check.’ I was getting lots of yeses.” But perhaps there is hope for his third. “It’s a spy drama,” he said. “That one is a work in progress.”
Schiff will presumably be pretty busy investigating the Trump administration and appearing on CNN, but let’s hope he finds the time to finish that spy drama. In the meantime, here are a few other ideas to keep his creative juices flowing.
The congressman could start by teaming up with CNN celebrity journalist Jim Acosta to bring his forthcoming bestseller—”The Enemy of the People: A Dangerous Time to Tell the Truth in America”—to the big screen. Given the subject matter, Schiff should have no problem pumping the script full of high-octane suspense. The moment our protagonist learns the bullies in the White House press office tried to ban cameras in the briefing room. Or the time they tried to take his press pass and he fought back with a vengeance. Or the time Stephen Miller blanked him in the hallway, or whatever.
The film would practically cast itself:
- George Clooney as Jim Acosta
- Fat Christian Bale as Donald Trump
- Marion Cotillard as Melania Trump
- Melissa McCarthy as Sean Spicer
- Danielle McDonald as Sarah Huckabee Sanders
- Jane Fonda as Kellyanne Conway
- Lupita Nyong’o as Omarosa
- Jeff Bridges as Steve Bannon
- Steven Seagal as Dr. Sebastian Gorka
- David Cross as Steven Miller
- Skinny Jonah Hill as Don Jr.
- Gwendoline Christie as Eric Trump
- Ian Armitage (Young Sheldon) as Jared Kushner
- Charlize Theron as Ivanka Trump
- Lance Bass as Anderson Cooper
- Gabriel Iglesias as Brian Stelter
- Chris Hemsworth as Rep. Adam Schiff
- Sir Ian McKellan as Walter Cronkite / The Ghost of Journalism Past