Loading ...* My tolerance for idiots is extremely low today. I used to have some immunity built up, but obviously there is a new strain out there.
* Me: Sobbing my heart out, “I can’t see you anymore … I’m not going to let you hurt me again.”
Trainer: “Hey,It was just one sit-up.”
Turns out that being a “senior” is mostly just googling how to do stuff.
* Do you ever get up in the morning, look in the mirror and think “That can’t be accurate.”
* I want to be 14 again and ruin my life differently. I have new ideas.
* Teacher: Give me a sentence which includes the words: defence, defeat, detail.
Student: When a horse jumps over defence, defeat go first and then detail.
* God promised men that good and obedient wives would be found in all corners of the world.
Then he made the earth round…and laughed and laughed and laughed.
* I’m on two diets. I wasn’t getting enough food on one.
* Apparently RSVPing to a wedding invitation “Maybe next time,” isn’t the correct response.
* I put my scale in the bathroom corner and that’s where the little liar will stay until it apologizes.
* Felt uncomfortable driving into the cemetery. The GPS blurted out “You have reached your final destination.”
* My mind is like an internet browser. At least 19 open tabs, 3 of them are frozen and I have no clue where the music is coming from.
* Hard to believe I once had a phone attached to a wall, and when it rang, I picked it up without knowing who was calling, and I’m still alive.
Buygold @ 14:10 You’re welcome. Pops is a very witty guy!! Here’s a few more from another friend I thought were great too!!
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